anti-production

There was so much I was supposed to do tonight... I was going to pack and clean up, put the laundry away, wash my hair and prepare myself for tomorrow. I was going to put up posts about 2 things I have been meaning to write about. Instead all I have done is agonize over fonts on this thing. Seriously fonts have eaten up my night. Suddenly, it is past my bedtime, I am grouchy and have accomplished nothing that I set out to do. And I still don't like the font and layout options.

I hope I do not wake up in the winter of my life realizing that I have been agonizing over insignificant details when I should have been living.

On Monday, the plane will not wait for me. And death will not wait while we finish up our life's work either.

what's for dinner?

I saw this documentary last night and it reminded me about why I chose to be vegetarian and vegan for so long. Now that I am eating (some) animal products again, I want to be aware of where those products are coming from and how I may be contributing to these gross practices of modern food production as an individual.

Food Inc. provides a good overview of the production and modification of the foods we eat, but also touches on the ethical and social issues relating to poverty and the exploitation of people who work in the food industry. The fact that it is cheaper for a family to buy 2 hamburgers from McD's than a head of broccoli breaks my heart. These massive meat packing plants bus immigrants in from Mexico to work for very low wages, only to later arrest and deport them. I wish everyone in the western world would watch this film so that those of us who can afford to can start making smarter choices with our dollars. Awareness is always the first step.

There are solutions: try to buy local and organic and try not to support large corporations who exploit their employees with your consumer dollars.

mixtape: more songs of love and devotion.

Subtle love. So pretty. I'm in love with the lyrics.
Blood Bank- Bon Iver


Lusty love. Makes me want to go dancing in a dark smoky lounge (a la Dirty Dancing).
Cry To Me- Solomon Burke (1962)


When I was a kid, my best friend's mom loved this song. I totally see why. Blatant romance, 80s style.
Slave To Love- Bryan Ferry (1985)


Try and listen to this song without getting a little misty. This song gets me in the guts. Kate Bush is a genius. I cry everytime.
This Woman's Work- Kate Bush (1989)


Its not fashionable to like ABBA, but my grandma played this for me on her big 1970s wooden record player when I was a wee girl. Now I can't listen to it without feeling uplifted and hopeful. Try it, you'll see! It's about best friends helping each other through hard times. What could be better than that really? That is pure love.
Chiquitita- ABBA (1979)


Not a love song in the obvious sense, but all about hope and defeat. Heart breaking in the best way possible. No matter how much I listen, I never tire of this song.
The Greatest- Cat Power (2006)


Lonely optimism. My favorite by my favorite. Sounds like stardust in the middle of nowhere... As good a reason as any.
Atmosphere- Joy Division (1980)

love day

While I'm not so much into a commercialized holiday that encourages the spending of money to create 'romance', I have always been very much into LOVE. All varieties in fact; romantic or otherwise...

I am pulled around through life by the heartstrings.

The most magical thing about music is the way it can capture the depth and complexity of love. For whatever reason, my heart bursts a little every time I hear this.

Happy Valentine's Day!


Let Me Roll It- Paul McCartney & Wings (1974)

8 days late

Ugh.

Looks like my new years resolution of 3 posts per week has already been demolished by my inability to keep up with life.

There are so many things I can't find. So much sleep that has been lost. I don't know what bills are overdue or how much money is in the bank. Clothes are discarded and piled high on furniture in disarray, on top of papers and receipts and bobby pins and books and hopefully on top of a brass locket I'm looking for. This is bad news for a psuedo type A personality.

I think to myself:
It doesn't matter, nobody really cares to read this anyway/ There might be 3 people who are reading and if I don't stay consistent, they will forget to check on me/ I will do better next week and the week after and the week after. Promises, promises...

There is a lot of hopefulness buried under layers of defeat and procrastination. Fatigue has a way of hiding things.

Sorry if you've been waiting...

most influential book #1- The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf

In the spirit of 2 of my favorite things: reading and lists, I will compile the most influential books of my life. In my efforts to avoid form in this blog, they will be listed at random in no particular order.

#1- The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf

Sure, I know this is a cliched Feminism 101 book, but I can honestly separate my life into 2 parts; before The Beauty Myth and after.

I got my hands on a copy when I was about 20 years old, although the damage had already been done by then and it would take years (or maybe even a lifetime) to undo. I was a month away from moving overseas and staying at my best friends apartment. She was going to university at the time and had a copy on her shelf. I picked it up and gave it a chance. It ripped the wool right off of my eyes. Forever.

Oh how I wish for this book to be required reading in grade 9 classes! If you haven't read this book you should. Especially if you're a woman. Especially if you're a man. I hope my unborn daughter will read it before she starts to hate herself and starts believing her worth is measured by how beautiful the world thinks she is.

fingerpopping

Tonight, when I was walking home from work after a long day of administrative tasks, I was startled by 3 boys who couldn't have been more than 10 years old. They were jumping on and running across cars. They'd jump up on the hood and run over the roof and slid down the frosty rear windows. They became more aggressive about this obvious disrespect once they noticed me. I kind of half expected that they would stop, me being an adult catching them in the act, but that was not the case. Instead the focus turned to me and they made every effort to intimidate me. I continued on my path, and tried to resist the urge to cross to the other side. They spat on cars and the sidewalk and swore and broke whatever they could off of cars. My internal responsible adult wanted to speak up, to scold them, but I was afraid of these 10 year olds. I kept on my path, walking only a few feet behind them until I reached my house. It was the only thing I could do. I did not want to let myself be terrorized by these kids. Right before I crossed over, one of the boys made a gun gesture with his hand, turned and pointed it at me and said, "Shots to the head, Bitch!"

I'm filled with sadness about how these children have adopted such violence and dangerous ideas about power. How does an innocent child transform into this kind of menace? I was made painfully aware of my vulnerability as a woman and how our culture has gone oh-so-wrong. Especially when it comes to youth. They are so very impressionable aren't they? I actually think if that kid had a gun he would've shot me without thinking twice.