just so we're clear, I don't know where this is going...

One day I woke up and I was 30 years old...

I have no idea what happened to my twenties, or even to my teenage years... It was all a whirlwind of soul searching that ended in something close to panic in my 29th year. Still, I come up empty handed when pressed for answers about what I am going to 'do' with my life.

From the time I was just a little thing, there were only 2 things I was ever really interested in:

1) changing the world (for the better of course!)
2) telling stories

I'm still fairly clueless as to how to actually do either of those things in life.
We grow up hearing (and often believing) that Not Exactly Practical = Not Really Worth Pursuing.

The way I see it, unless you are tapped into some old source of wealth that allows you to indulge yourself in changing the world, you had better come up with a way to make some dough if you're going to survive out here!!

I have some regrets: I wish I would have believed in myself a little more, given myself the opportunity to do something that felt true and important. - Oh hindsight, you maieutic teacher!!- Instead, I've settled for whatever fell in my lap, whatever I could tolerate doing to feed myself. Thankfully, it is not too late. (I'm going back to get that philosophy/creative writing degree when I'm 65 and tuition is free in Canada!)

There is so much pressure to conform to what we are all culturally conditioned brainwashed to seek from the time we are born. Apparently, if you're lucky enough to go to school, you might be lucky enough to go to college/university, after which the world of work will open itself up and swallow you up for 40 years! The goal is to make lots and lots of money and with that you can buy lots and lots of stuff! The more the better!! Gather as much material wealth as you can and hoard it all to yourself. This is the road to happiness we are told. Play the game and you will be rewarded!

I've avoided it for as long as possible, and now finally in my early 30's I am getting on board out of desperation and lack of viable alternatives. I'm treating this new lifestyle as a bit of an experiment; lets see where it goes! I figure either I will end up happily placated by surrendering or my inability to participate will further ignite my motivation to find an alternative way to live.

It's amazing how much praise you receive when you finally stop fighting for your dreams and give in.